Our Destiny
by VikingsDoItBetter
Summary: Will she always push me away? Will he always destory me?
1. I Can't Hate You Anymore

Title: I Can't Hate You Anymore

Author: AlexCabotIsQueen

Summary: Will you always push me away?

A/N: I got a little inspired with the Nick Lachey "What's Left of Me" album, so I decided to write a series of song-fics(all lyrics in italics) about Cole and Phoebe in various stages of their relationship and it's breakdown. And this first fic is around the time Cole is running from the bounty hunter and he and Phoebe are not together...

_Cole POV_

This moselium. It's the only place I still can sit and feel her here.

It smells of death. And I guess it's appropriate that here is where we left it. Where everything about me dies.

But, no matter what she thinks...I can't let it die. I can't let it go. Not here...

_An empty room can be so deafening_

_The silence makes you wanna scream_

_It drives you crazy._

_Phoebe POV_

He shimmers right back into my life. And expects me to just pick up where we left off.

Well, tough buddy. It doesn't work like that. He lied to me. About everything.

He didn't even tell me what he was, who he was until it was too late.

I just want to forget him...To make him leave my mind...I can't live like this.

_I chased away the shadows of your name._

_And burned the picture in the frame._

_But it couldn't save me_

_Cole POV_

Love is something a demon isn't able to feel. But I can feel it. That makes me more than that.

She has to see past Belthazor...She has to see me. She has to love me. I know she still does.

I can still feel it.

We can't give up. Not without a fight.

_How could we quit something we never even tried?_

_Well you still can't tell me why._

_We built it up to watch it fall_

_Like we meant nothing at all._

_I gave and gave the best of me._

_But couldn't give you what you need._

_Phoebe POV_

He doesn't even know what he's done to me.

He's entrenched so deeply in my heart. In my soul. That pushing him away nearly has taken it all from me.

I can't handle if I would have to do that again.

It would kill me. Because I chose to love him.

_You walked away. You stole my life._

_Just to find what you're looking for_

_But no matter how I try. _

_I can't hate you anymore._

I try to hate Cole. But it's not something I can do.

I can pretend to hate him, but what I hate is the lies. While I understand why he had to do it, I don't think falling in love with me was really in his plans.

I know falling for him wasn't in mine. But I did.

I just don't know if I can love that demon who has killed so many innocents?

_You're not the person that you used to be. _

_The one I want who wanted me_

_And that's a shame but_

_Cole POV_

I can't bear the thought of her in pain. Knowing that I'm the source of it makes it even more unbearable.

I have to fix this. I have to win her back. Make her love me again.

Or will she always push me away?

_There's only so many tears you can cry_

_Before it drains the light right from your eyes._

_Phoebe POV_

I need to move on. I can't hold onto him forever.

I know what he's up against. I know the whole underworld will be looking for him.

I can't let him be with me. It will be the death of him.

I'm doing this for him.

_And so I'm letting go of everything we were._

_It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt._

_Sometimes you hold so tight it slips right through your hands._

_Will I ever understand?_

_Cole POV_

I will find a way to save this. Save us.

If for nothing else.

For her.


	2. On Your Own

A/N: This is set sometime after Belthazor kills the witch, while under the effects of Raynor's spell.

_Cole POV_

He ruined it. I almost had her back. But then, Raynor dangles my father's soul in front of me and of course, I just for it. Just like a hyped up labrador.

Now I have it. But the cost, is too high.

Phoebe should have never seen it.

But somehow, I know she's not lost to me. I know why she's angry. She has every right to be. But that was no reason to be cold and not understanding.

To not listen to me.

* * *

_You live with a halo 'round your head._

_This time your leaving._

_This place where the walls are painted red._

_A friend is what you need._

* * *

I know now that this is where I have to be. At least for now.

I wish there was a way to make the memory of her leave me.

But even with all the dark magic available to me, I can't.

As much as I know this is where I belong, I still love her.

I just wish there was a way I could let her know that I'm still here. And that as long as I still breathe, I won't let anyone harm her.

I will do everything in my power to save her.

_

* * *

But if the world should ever fall apart around you._

_And if you're lost(cold) and barely breathing I will find you._

_And carry you back home._

_I won't forsake the only love I've ever known._

_When you're out there on your own.

* * *

_

Being her makes me realize what she does feel. I mean, she had the power to vanquish me. And she didn't.

She tried to take me back. And couldn't.

But the one thing she can do is love me. Even down here, I feel it. Just like I feel her sadness. For awhile there, I thought she had the power to make it rain because she was sad.

And to make the sun shine when she was happy.

At least, she always made the sun shine for me.

I don't want her to have to feel the sadness. The pain. Maybe if I do something to make it so the pain on comes to her in her sleep. And I, can be there in her dreams, to comfort her.

What good is power if you let it go to waste?

_

* * *

Dark clouds they surround you in the sky._

_Rain falls when you're sleeping._

_When you're past the point of no return._

_I will take away the hurt.

* * *

_

I have to let her go. Just for now. At least, part of me does.

Just be what I am. A demon. And take my place next to the Source.

Let the darkness consume me, so I can't feel this hurt anymore. Because of it, I can't even get myself to want to kill again.

Because of her.

But, if she ever wants to find me. She knows where to look. And she is the only one that will know how to bring me back from the darkness.

She's the only one with real power over me.

Because of her love. Pure and good.

And maybe. Just maybe. I want her to save me. Just so I know I made the right choice.

Please, Phoebe. Save me.

_

* * *

And I will wait._

_However long it takes._

_Till you realize what you have been searching for_

_Was right here all along._


	3. Shades Of Blue

A/N: Sometime after Prue's death. Cole is back from the underworld. Running again.

_Phoebe POV_

_

* * *

Looks like another day._

_Slipping through my window shade._

_Chasing the dark away._

_Sneaking into my room again._

_Like a sad and lonely thief_

_Come to steal my piece of mind._

_The only peace I find is pretending that your still lying next to me.

* * *

_

The days seem so empty now. Prue's gone. I can't help be feel responsible. I chose to stay with Cole to save Piper. And instead we lost Prue.

But if I had to make the choice I would do it all over again.

I just wish Cole would stay longer. I worry when he's gone.

Worry that someone has found him. Worry that the Source finally got what he wanted.

Cole gave up everything for me. He even wants to give up his powers just to be with me. Which, you know, for a guy that's been a demon for over century. That's a pretty big deal.

I just it wasn't such a pretty day. Good day for a picnic. With your boyfriend.

_

* * *

So why the sun has got to shine?_

_Why don't it just stay away?_

_Why do dreams have to fade?_

_Into all these shades of blue._

_Where I wait for you._

_Pray love reaches through _

_All these shades._

_Shades of blue_

_When you close your eyes_

_Feel me by your side_

_I will wait for you_

_In all these shades of blue

* * *

_

All I wanted for us is just to be together. Never did I imagine that I would lose a sister just to have that.

And I never wanted the Source of all evil to try and stop us.

It's like fate never wants us to be together.

But if it's one thing being a witch has taught me, destiny you can't fight. Fate, you can trip up.

But most of the time. When he's not here. All I can think of is all the times that we were apart, when we could have been together. Because I was afraid. Angry. And just a little hurt.

I can never get those days back. No matter what I do. Time is just a little out of my control.

_

* * *

Thinking back on my mistakes_

_I can't undo all the days that I misused_

_I thought that you'd always stay_

_It's hard to face the simple truth that _

_Time bring no relief _

_And time is all you need you said._

_Had it going clear our your head_

_While you're trying to decide if you'll come back to me

* * *

_

I just want him here. I want him with me. So we can make up for all that we've lost.

And I need to tell him how I feel. Because neither of us are guaranteed tomorrow.

I can't handle losing him. That would destroy me. It would be like someone taking part of my heart away. It wouldn't be able to beat.

He's part of me.

Just come home, baby...Wherever you are...

_

* * *

Why do we have to cry?_

_Tell why this has to be?_

_Why don't you give into me?_

_Baby_

_Why did you have to leave?_

_Why did you have to set me free?_

_Why did you have to go?

* * *

_

I know that sound...

"Miss me baby?"


	4. What's Left Of Me

A/N: This is right after Cole is stripped of his powers.

_Cole POV_

Funny. The stars almost seem brighter tonight. I mean, they're the same stars I've seen for the last hundred years. Give or take.

Maybe because I'm all human now. Maybe that's what makes the difference.

I have to appreciate it more.

Or maybe because part of me is dead. Death has the effect on you. If you stare it down and live through it. You're never the same.

To be honest, I was actually scared when that potion was thrown. I thought that was the end. And all these things that I had done. All those people I've hurt. It flashed in front of me, right in that fire.

_

* * *

Watched my life pass me by in the rear-view mirror_

_Pictures frozen in time are becoming clearer_

_I don't want to waste another day stuck in the shadow of my mistakes

* * *

_

But I'm not even that demon anymore. Hell, I'm not any type of demon anymore.

I can't dwell on what I've done. But then again, since that part of me is dead and gone, I guess that means that I really don't have to dwell anyhow. Not that I still don't feel guilty. That's a recent torture. They always said my human half made me weak.

Ironic that it is the thing to survive. All for Phoebe.

She's everything that any man could hope for and more. She enchants you with her smile and once you taste her kiss you are forever under her spell.

But, personally, I would never want the spell reversed. This is one enchantment I enjoy.

However, the Cole Turner she feel in love with did have a little power of his own to contribute. And now, all I can offer her is myself.

And I'm not all that special. I don't even have a job.

_

* * *

And I want you and I feel you_

_Crawling underneath my skin_

_Like a hunger; like a burning_

_To find someplace I've never been_

_Now I'm broken. And I'm fading._

_I'm half the man I thought I would be._

_But you can have_

_What's left of me.

* * *

_

I guess it was different when I volunteered to give up my powers. Like I had sometime to get used to the idea. I was just starting to wonder if she could have even made anything powerful enough to strip them.

She is quite the potion mistress. I must say.

But now. Here I am. Mortal.

On the other hand, this is everything she wanted. She won't have to worry about me being sucked back into the underworld. She will never again worry that I killed an innocent.

Besides, it's just as well that Belthazor is gone.

Demons can't love. Just lust.

_

* * *

I've been dying inside little by little_

_Nowhere to go but going out of my mind in endless circles._

_Running from myself until you gave me a reason for standing still.

* * *

_

Now I can fully appreciate her love for me. I can accept it. Whole-heartedly.

It's like being on fire without the burn.

My only fear is that I won't be able to protect her from whatever will come after us. After I, she is still a Charmed One. I just hope her power is enough to protect us both.

All of the underworld will always come after us. And most other demons know full well the only way to get to me is through her.

I never thought it would be possible for me to ever love anyone this deeply. This honestly without hesitation.

My faith in her is unwaivering. I know she will always believe in me and that gives me hope for tomorrow. Tomorrow where I'ma different man.

_

* * *

Falling faster_

_Barely breathing_

_Give me something to believe in_

_Tell me it's not all in my head._

_I've been dying inside you see._

_Take what's left of this man._

_Make me whole once again_

* * *

I should really get home. I'm sure she's starting to worry.

_

* * *

You can have all that's left._

I've been dying inside you see.

Going out of my mind.

_Just running in circles all the time.

* * *

_

...Crap. No more powers Cole...Means you can't shimmer anymore.

* * *

_Will you take what's left?

* * *

_

This is really going to take some getting used to.

Now, I hope I can remember how to get back.


	5. Beautiful

A/N: This is after Cole is the Source. Phoebe is pregnant, and evil. But Cole's human side will always come to the surface. When it comes to her.

_Cole POV

* * *

_

Part of me knows this is just a means to an end. But the other part knows that I hate what I'm letting the Seer do to her. And my child. My son.

I wish I could stop it. It's made her something she's not.

Even the way she looks at me. It's more cold. Unfeeling. Just. Lustful.

Almost demon-like.

"Hey Baby. I'm going out."

"Phoebe. Shouldn't you be resting?"

"What the hell are you talking about? This thing comes with it's own firewall. Now, I'll see you in the morning...Maybe."

_

* * *

I see you're looking for yourself tonight_

_And I know you're going to sell your soul under light_

_And I hear, the emptiness that echos in your cries_

_Someday I pray that you will realize

* * *

_

"No. You're staying here."

"Oh, honey. That was almost scary. Source or not. I've still got your boys in a vice. I need to get out of here. Get some attention."

"Why?"

"Because. Other men talking to me let's me know that I'm not fat and ugly. That I'm still the beauty that got herself married to the prettiest face in all of evil. Good-night Cole."

I can never tell her know. Not when she's determined to do something.

I just wish there was someway to reach through to the Phoebe that I married. Not that dark soul that is on the surface. Let her know what I feel.

_

* * *

You're beautiful. That's all that I can say._

_Unforgettable. I'm caught in everyway._

_Don't ever let the mirror tell you lies._

_Just look at your reflection through my eyes._

_You're beautiful.

* * *

_

It's after four. I haven't been to sleep. But then again. Evil doesn't need to sleep.

Hearing the elevator ding is the one thing that brings me out of this trance.

"Have fun Phoebe?"

"Screw you Cole."

"Guess not."

The bedroom door slamming. I'm just glad she didn't light it on fire.

But it's the sound of her sobs nearly rips the heart from my chest.

"Phoebe?"

"I'm just not attractive am I? Pregnant or not..."

"That's not true. You're a beautiful person."

"At least I used to be. After I found out I was pregnant, suddenly, I was this woman I don't even know. Why did this happened to me?"

_

* * *

It seems you always keep one foot outside the door._

_So sad, you've got it all but still you long for me._

_You cry, so desperate for your place among the stars._

_But why you searching for what you already are?

* * *

_

That's because the Seer is turning our child evil with that tonic we keep feeding you. Yeah, that would go over really well.

"No. You just feel like you lost yourself. You're still here Phoebe."

"I am lost. You're the only thing that keeps me grounded."

Holding her close to me, against me, feeling her heart beat. Makes me wish that I could change time and never have become this. Do have done this to her.

Because this course of action will not end well.

Her sisters know. And if they can find a permanent way to reach the real her, then I am in serious danger.

I want to stop that from happening. But if I do, the Phoebe that I love will be lost forever.

_

* * *

Feeling you start to drift away from me_

_Back to the empty place you used to be_

_How do I get to you?

* * *

_

And I can't let that happened.


	6. On The Outside

A/N: This is after Source Cole is vanquished. Phoebe isn't pregnant. Just by herself.

_Phoebe POV

* * *

_

It seems strange to be alone. After all this time. No Cole. No Benjamin; that's what we were going to name him. After Cole's father.

You know, I wanted to keep that child. At least I would have been able to hold onto some part of Cole. The part of him that was good and in love with.

That part of him that made him want to be the Source so he could give me the fabulous life that he believed that I deserved.

_

* * *

Paper houses, and fallen angels._

_Sometimes you can't see in front of you_

_Wasted moments. _

_Trying to be someone I never wanted to be for you.

* * *

_

Of course, he did turn me evil. But. Not because he wanted that.

I'm sure of it.

Now, that's all behind me. Sort of. I mean, I've vanquished thousands of demons and the Source once before...But this was Cole.

The love of my life. My soul mate.

But I guess some things just weren't meant to be.

All I need to do now is just. Breathe.

_

* * *

But I feel my world coming back to life._

_My eyes are finally open again._

_Now I see it all in a different light._

_I'm standing on the outside._

_I'm finally on the outside looking in.

* * *

_

Sure, we weren't the ideal couple. A witch and a demon. But that's the Halliwell curse. Always falling for the man you shouldn't have.

I blame Piper. She set a bad example.

But then again, marrying an angel would have been easier. Sure wouldn't have had to worry about the shooting flames.

This house holds so many memories of Cole and I. Good and bad. But I'll take them all. And enjoy them.

_

* * *

Reaching out into unknown spaces with nothing left here to blur the view.

* * *

_

But sitting here, Piper pregnant. Paige becoming super witch. I can't get over it here.

There's only one place I can do that.

Even driving over there is strange. I mean, there's nothing there. Just. Death.

Getting in the elevator. I can almost feel him. Like he's still trying to get to me.

Not today. I have to do this. Just to prove to myself that I can move on.

_

* * *

And now I know I've got to find this picture frozen in my mind._

_Of a life I never knew

* * *

_

Nothing. Just quiet. And that scotch mark on the floor.

I can still hear him scream. But you know, doens't make him any less here.

I would say this is wear his soul is...But did he even have one?

Doesn't matter. I don't even care anymore.

I'm not even sad. I'm...relieved. That I can stand here in this place. And not be effected.

_

* * *

I'm tearing out the page_

_Breathing for a change _

_And it's so good _

_To feel myself coming back to life._

_I'm finally on the outside.

* * *

_

"G-bye Cole."

"_phoebe..."_

Well, that was weird. Just the wind...whispering my name...


	7. Run To Me

A/N: This is after Cole is back and invincible. Trying to win Phoebe back.

_Cole POV

* * *

_

She can't push me away. I fought death. I fought the wasteland. And I came back for her. I will not let her push me away.

Hopefully she'll let me in the manor...Who the hell am I kidding?

I know one way she'll have to let me in...

_

* * *

Over your head, trying not to drown._

_Reaching for a breath before it drags you down._

_Caught in between all the pain you feel._

_You lost control, you're letting go_

_But I never will

* * *

_

Shimmering in. That always works.

"COLE!"

Good, she noticed.

"Get the hell out of here! I told you. It's over. No more. I mean, I can't even vanquish you!"

"Phoebe. Please. Just hear me out here. You owe me that much."

"I don't owe you one thing Cole."

"But you still love me don't you?"

"That's not fair."

"Phoebe. I've spent a century without love. And then I found you. Then suddenly, I had purpose."

"Yeah, yeah. I warmed the darkest demons heart. Good for me."

The rage she feels is undeniable, "I deserve that. But understand. Letting go...It's not something I'm ready for. You still need me."

_

* * *

I'm holding on for you._

_I'm fighting for your life._

_And when you're blinded by this jaded world I'll be your eyes._

_Even if you fall. I won't let you break._

_When all the noise is telling you to run away._

_Run to me.

* * *

_

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Wrong choice of words, "What I meant was. If you can't let me be your lover anymore...At least let me be a friend. Someone that understands you. Someone that you can talk to."

Very smooth. She seems more receptive to that.

"So, are you suggesting I could just come over. Talk to you about my day. No ulterior motives. You're not just trying to win me back?"

"Are we being honest?"

"Of course."

"Then, of course I'm trying to win you back. But, this at least lets me ease you out of what you once were. Just understand. I'm still madly in love with you. And I want to be a part of your life. And I know better than anyone what that entails."

_

* * *

Day after day, after all you seen_

_It's alright if you feel like unraveling._

_I'll be right here._

_Pushing out the walls._

_To find a place where you can stay._

_Brave through it all.

* * *

_

"Is that something you can live with Cole?"

"I think I can try."

Her sigh, usually not good, "If this is what it takes to let you know that I don't want to be with you anymore...Then fine. But this will not be an everyday thing. Got it?"

"Sure."

She turns to walk away but I can't just let her go. I have to tell her everything.

"Phoebe. Just. One more thing. I have to say this or risk never having the chance to ever again. And I know what that's like. To never have a tomorrow."

_

* * *

When I was lost. Hanging on by a thread._

_I knew I could run to you_

_Find myself again.

* * *

_

"Tell me. I'll listen. I promise."

"Here goes," I take her hands in mine and lose myself in her beautiful deep brown eyes, "You got my letter right?"

"Yes. It was beautiful Cole."

"I meant every word. And when I was in the wasteland. I knew you were the only person that could save me. Hearing you tell me that you couldn't broke something inside of me. I never realized how badly a broken heart could hurt until that moment. Even when I was dead, you still had the power to make me feel again.

So, it moved me to get out of there. Just to see you again. And to tell you that I was sorry."

"For what exactly?"

"Like I said. The pain of a broken heart was unbearable...And I realized, that's what I had done to hurt you. I broke your heart. I took everything that you trusted and I used you. I didn't mean to. I never wanted to become the Source. I never even wanted our innocent baby to be some pawn in it all."

"Well, I'm sorry doesn't even begin to cover it."

"I know. I wish there was something more I could do. Something more I could say. But it's done. I hope I can prove to you that we're not the same."

"Oh, we're done. Believe me."

"Then let me kiss you. Just once. Just to prove my point."

"Alright. But you'll see."

Wrapping her in my arms. Letting our lips meet. The passion, the fire. It's still here. I know she feels it too. She wants me as much as I want her. If nothing else, I have this moment to remind her of.

"Okay...enough..."

"I know you felt that."

"It's a trick. Some spell..."

"Only the grandest one of all. Love Phoebe. You love me. Your soul is bound to me. Forever. Just admit it. You still love me."

I hear the door open behind me. Great, the gangs all here.

"What are you doing here?"

"Don't worry Leo. I was just. Talking to my wife."

"Ex-wife."

"Piper...please..."

"Just because you found a way around the little death do us part bit, doesn't mean she should have to suffer."

"You always liked me best Paige."

"Don't worry guys...he was just going."

"I was?"

"For the last time Cole. Get out. If I need you...I know where to find you."

I walk out and feel the sun on my face and look back at the manor. Thinking of all the good times she and I had there.

Oh, you'll come to me Phoebe. You'll come running into my arms and this time, I will never let you go.

Nothing will keep me from you ever again.

Even if I have to turn back time. I will make you mine. I swear it.


	8. I Do It For You

A/N: This is a nice little "-off" piece for Phoebe. This is final shove into crazy for Cole. Before he turns back time...

_Phoebe POV

* * *

_

Why am I doing this? This is exactly what he wants.

He wants me to come over to the penthouse. Reopen the pandora's box of emotions that I still feel for him. No matter how hard I try not to.

Perhaps being subtle isn't really working for him. I should just be the straight forward witch I was born to be.

I think stay the hell away from me Cole might get him to understand.

Thank God this is a long elevator ride. I need to prepare.

Just don't gaze into those eyes that can see right through you. Just don't look at the innocent little grin that melts your heart. Just be strong Phoebe.

Get him out of your life.

Ah, this penthouse hasn't changed much. Still sort of feels like home, but I know better. Look at that, he still has that picture. Look how happy we were.

"I love that picture. Evening Phoebe."

"Hi Cole."

"You look gorgeous."

Those eyes, it's too late, "Right back at ya." Crap.

He's smiling, "Well, I knew it couldn't all be dead in there. Welcome home baby."

Oh, he's touching me. "Cole! Stop it!"

"What is your problem? Isn't this what you want?"

_

* * *

You're pretty face is not enough_

_Behind your eyes_

_I know your lying

* * *

_

"No. I came over here to talk to you. Face to face."

"You did?"

"Yes. Look Cole. No matter what we still feel. It's over. It wasn't meant to be..."

"No. It's not over. We just need to try harder. All couples go through this..."

I can't even stop him from wrapping his arms around me, "Baby, you've got to give this a try. For me...I love you. I came back from the wastelands for you."

Even his kiss tastes sweeter. Oh God!

"Get away from me."

"We're a little far along for hard to get Phoebe. What do you need from me?"

_

* * *

You think that love is all a bluff_

_You flash your smile and keep denying me._

_I want you see, I need something more than you gave before.

* * *

_

"To stay away from me. To let me forget everything we were. I need to move on."

"No."

"Cole. I think I was pretty clear."

"I'm not giving up on us Phoebe. On love."

"You can't love Cole. You said it yourself. Demons can't love."

"But I'm not a demon anymore. Please, just give me a chance to prove it to you."

"Wow, you go from witch hunter high level demon. To mortal. To Source of all evil. To vanquished. To groveling, spineless bastard. Quite a tumble for you."

"What do you want from me Phoebe? Anything...I'll do it for you..."

_

* * *

I want you to burn._

_I want you to steal._

_I want you to bleed, and see how it feels._

_I want you to beg._

_I want you to crawl._

_Give more than you take and smile through it all._

_And know that everything you do._

_I do it for you.

* * *

_

There's a loaded question if I ever heard one. He wants answers. Fine. But he asked for this.

"I want my life back. From the moment I met you, you lied to me."

"Not true. I really was the ADA."

"As a cover! Even then, you could have mentioned the whole demon thing. But no, that would have jeapordized your little mission..."

"But you made me do that. I fell in love with you. I wasn't supposed to..."

"Then you dodged bounty hunters and the Source. Just trying to be with me. If that wasn't a huge flashing sign for me to get out while I still could...I'm so stupid!"

"Phoebe. Don't say that."

"Oh no Cole. You got me started...Where was I? Oh yeah! Then some woman was trying to kill you because YOU killed her fiancee!"

"But you said it yourself. I wasn't that demon anymore."

"No Cole, you were. After you killed Sykes...You were Belthazor...and if it wasn't for my efforts to try and save you AGAIN, I'd be dead. But thank the powers that be that it was just a power stripping potion."

"Please...it hurts..."

"Oh, it hurts. Welcome to my world Cole!"

_

* * *

So your heart is broken_

_And your tears are real._

_No word unspoken_

_Say what you feel._

_The way you keep pretending._

_It's such a crime_

_You gotta give me what's mine.

* * *

_

"Let's see...Then you married me. Which should have been a dream come true. But no, you turned me evil."

"That wasn't my choice. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Wow, gee. Thanks. Oh and while we're on the evil...You even impregnated me with YOUR demon spawn...which would have killed all of mankind."

"Phoebe. Why are you doing this to me?"

"Then to top it all off...My sisters and I vanquish you...And I finally. FINALLY start to move on and then. BAM! Here you are. Right back in my life. When all I wanted was you dead."

Silence. Finally.

"I know you don't mean that Phoebe. You're just a little emotional right now. So, I'll let it slide."

"I don't need your mercy. I don't even need you anymore. I hate you Cole Turner or whoever you are.With everything that I am. And if there was some spell I could cast...That would make me forget you and all of this. I would do it. In a heartbeat. Just so I could NEVER look at you again."

His tears are real. And I can see I finally got to him.

_

* * *

You're pretty face is not enough._

_Behind your eyes I know you're lying.

* * *

_

"Take it back Phoebe. I can't live with this."

"Well, ironically Cole. Now I can live. And I swear to you. If you ever try to get to me or my sisters. We will find a way to vanquish your sorry ass. Have a nice life Cole."

"You will be mine Phoebe. No one else can have you."

"I don't belong to you Cole. Not anymore."

Seeing him in pain is too much. I wait for the elevator doors to shut and finally let the tears flow from my eyes. I hate doing this to him.

I hate ripping the heart from his chest. But this is what needed to happened.

This is what was meant to be.

But who knows what he'll do next.

If he knows what's good for him. He'll change himself. And for the better.

I can only hope.


	9. Ghosts

A/N: The is a little bit after Cole has turned back time to try and win Phoebe back. I would change the ending...but it's not that kind of fanfic.

_Cole POV

* * *

_

I thought becoming an Avatar would make a difference. Altering time. Even being Belthazor again. That would change everything.

I was wrong.

Happy Birthday Cole. All this time, and she is the one thing that I can't go on without.

And yet, she's the one thing in all of time and space that has eluded me.

_

* * *

You'd think to look at all the angles._

_Is the quiet workings of a broken man._

_And the time is burning like a candle._

_And it makes you think of how it all began.

* * *

_

This picture. I'm glad it still exists in this time. It lets me know that we were still happy.

We were still us. Whomever we were. And here and now, seeing her with someone else...You might as well cut my heart from my chest and feed it to me. It would be less painful.

I can tell she hates me. Even here. I wish I could change whatever I have done. Whether it was to her or her sisters.

Maybe I should just ask. At the risk of getting my head ripped off.

"Phoebe?"

"What now Cole?"

"I have to know...Why do you hate me so much?"

"As if you didn't know. Just take a wild guess. Sweetheart."

_

* * *

Well step inside your skin and walk around._

_And from the other side I see it now.

* * *

_

Think fast. It's something that is so obvious it...Of course.

"You're mad because I banished your sisters."

"That would be a good place to start."

"Phoebe. Anything I've done...I did it to protect us."

"That's the biggest load of crap I've heard yet. You know I've never been the same since Prue died. And Piper went off the deep end! And you...Made sure you married me as soon as you could...Just to keep Piper, my ONLY surviving sister, away from me."

"To protect us. To protect myself."

"Why be scared of her Cole? Without the power of three...You're safe. Until we reconstitute it...You're fine. Here that baby. I did get you a present. I won't vanquish you."

"I'm sorry. But I'm a different demon. Trust me."

"Trust you? The last time you said that I ended up here...without my family."

"...Do you. Ever think about how we used to be?"

"Happy?...All the time."

_

* * *

Somewhere in the night._

_There are a pair of lovers._

_Looking to see the ghost of what we used to be_

_Somewhere in the night._

_Back in another time_

_I smile as I rescue moments from my memory._

_Somewhere in my mind.

* * *

_

"But we can have that again."

"How Cole? Too much damage has already been done..."

"Never. If you really love me...hear me out. Please Phoebe."

"Fine. Tell me how. How do we fix all the darkness you've cast over this?"

"Try. To forgive. To move on. To open your heart to me."

"I can't let you hurt me. Not again."

"I won't. I promise. Give me a chance."

She smiled. That's a good sign. "Come on. I've got the perfect way to start."

Her hand in mine, walking up the stairs. But this isn't her room. It was...I must have taken it over. It's the biggest one in the manor.

"Well, what are you waiting for Cole? Show me..."

_

* * *

So I am picking up the pieces_

_And I'm trying not to cut my eager hands._

_It's strange. It's not even sadness._

_To accept the things you cannot understand.

* * *

_

"You think you and I having sex wil fix everything?"

"No. But at least I'll get some satisfaction out of this torturious hell."

"Phoebe! I was serious!"

"So was I. Face it Cole. We just weren't..."

"Don't finish that sentance. I've heard it before."

"Then believe it baby. Because we're not even an us anymore. You have enslaved my body and a part of my heart. But you will NEVER have me. Not ever again."

I should have seen this coming. Phoebe can hold a grudge. And once her mind is set. Forget it. That's where she stands.

_

* * *

I don't remember all that you said._

_A million corners in one tiny head.

* * *

_

I thought for one second that I could fix this. But I guess we were doomed from the start of it all.

I turned back time for her. That should be worth something. But...It's not. This is done.

I heard Morris talking about a witch that got in here and left with Leo. Has to be Paige. She isn't supposed to be here...

It's her. She got to Phoebe. Her sisters, they are the downfall of us...Always butting in.

And Paige is the worst.

I should have killed her when I had the chance.

_

* * *

It is easy to have fallen into a world that is so modern than every time._

_Every time._

_I will leave it to exist somehow like a sleepless man who has learned to die_

_Soul in rhyme._

_A soul in rhyme.

* * *

_

With thoughts like that. It's no wonder she hates me.

This is about me. Always has been. Always will be.

I guess the only thing I can hope for now is that the sisters don't find each other. That Paige can't reach Piper. And more importantly they can't get back inside here.

Or else. I may have a situation on my hands.

But then again, what's being vanquished now? I have no one to live for.


	10. You Are Not Alone

A/N: Sorry about the lack of an update. Here's the next installment...This is after Cole has been vanquished for the last time.

_Cole POV_

I used to think that the afterlife would be all white swirling lights that would tell me that I was a bad guy and going to hell, which incidentally, I've already seen. Kinda takes the gloom and doom out of it.

Instead, I was told by the powers that be that instead of eternal damnation. I am to spend all eternity here in limbo. Powerless to effect the outside world but able to witness it. And most of all, unable to feel. Especially love.

For all the trouble my love for Phoebe caused. For the chaos it created for them.

So, I'm here in the manor. Watching them everyday. Watching her suffer. She tells herself that she doesn't need me. That she doesn't miss me. That she never loved me in the first place.

But I can tell, in her heart of hearts, she would die for just one more day with me.

And, even though I know it's not possible. There are times I swear, she can see me here. In this place.

_Are you there?_

_Are you gone?_

_Do you care?_

_Is anybody home?_

Right now, I'm just trying to figure out how to get out of the manor. Every time I try to get out, I'm thrown back here.

The only thing I can think of that keeps me here exactly is Phoebe. My soul is still bound to her.

And maybe, that's what hurts her the most. Because my weight is still on her. However, I'm sure it's a welcome weight.

Even as I walk around her room, I can tell. She still has the picture of us. Happy, in love. Just as we were meant to be.

I can sit on her bed. I can touch her things. But it's empty.

The only solace I have is I get to watch her sleep.

_Cause something's lost in your eyes_

_Are you blind, caught up in the lies?_

That used to be my favorite thing. When I was alive. To watch her sleep. To feel her heart beat with mine. To just hold her near me, and breathe in her scent.

Even now, while she rests, I lay beside her and put my arms around her. But I feel nothing.

"_Cole?...Cole, where are you?"_

_Who you gonna call when they're coming after you?_

_Where you gonna crawl when all your fantasy is through?_

_Tell me._

I can do nothing. Just listen. I can't even feel the pain I know that I'm supposed to have.

"_Baby, I miss you...I'm sorry...Just come back."_

I would give anything to. I know she hurts. I can tell by her cries. Even if it meant an eternity of suffering, I would do it. Just to know that she would be okay.

I want her to love again. That's the only solution.

Maybe...maybe she can hear me. Feel me.

"Phoebe...I can't. Tell me...What do you need from me?"

_Do you really know me?_

_Do you really see me?_

_You forget. You're fighting on your own._

_You are not alone._

_And when your sky is falling_

_When you pain is calling _

_Don't forget I will take you home._

_You are not alone._

"_Love. I can't feel it...Because you can't let go...Let go baby. That's what I need...I know it hurts...But, we have to. If not for you...do it for me."_

I don't think she could have heard that. Could she?

If there is truth to our souls being connected, than she did.

"But I can't lose you. Ever."

"_Not me. Your humanity Cole...embrace what you are. Just as I do. You're gone. Even though it's scares me. But I'll keep you in my heart. Always."_

_When you crash._

_When you burn._

_Are you scared? _

_Will you ever learn?_

_Let go. The magnitude of that. _Then again, if I do let go, maybe it will let me out of the manor.

I suppose it's worth a shot.

So, I walk downstairs and say good-bye to everything I once knew. I think of all the memories in this house. Even if they aren't all of this time.

Like, becoming human for the first time in over a hundred years. Or all the late night conversations about marriage, love, and children.

I have taken so much of her with me.

And now, at this hour. I have to let go of my humanity. And realize what awaits me.

_Cause there's a price that you pay._

_You realize tomorrow's another day_

It's morning here in San Fransico...And for the first time, I'm outside of the manor, seeing it.

In my new existence. Knowing that I still have something here for me.

Even if I can't feel it.


	11. Everywhere But Here

A/N: This is Cole walking around the city. Thinking back. This is after Drake has died and Leo fell (I can't remember the name of the episode) If it's in italics...it's a lyric. If it's in quotations and italics, that's another character speaking.

_Cole POV_

Well, that couldn't have worked out better. Phoebe was in love again. And believe in it again.

And all I had to do was keep Piper in limbo and convince her to die. In order to insure that Leo found her.

...Easier said than done. And even to expect nothing in return, that's the best part.

Even now, walking around here. Seeing things that remind me so much of what I used to have.

_Here is the place we used to go._

_We were laughing._

_Hand in hand walking down the road._

_We were happy._

This alley. Where I first met the sisters. And decided my target would be Phoebe. But I remember thinking, how beautiful she was. Such as shame she has to go.

I found myself thinking about her at all hours. Thinking about what it would take to destroy her. And thought getting close to her was the only way.

Which led to me catching her in the parking lot at her school, and her trying to kick my head off. And feeling her skin underneath mine.

I should have known I was in trouble. The human in me couldn't resist.

Not that spending every waking moment thinking about every last detail of Phoebe.

_Here is the corner where you said, "Kiss me stupid."_

_I remember you in red._

_We were something good._

_We were something yeah._

_Weren't we something?_

Even admitting to myself that I was in love with her. I tried to run away. I wanted to get away from her. I couldn't even be around her without being overcome with emotion.

Which is what got me here in the first place.

My old apartment. Now this place. Is always special.

Here is where we made love for the first time. And even as long as I had lived, I had never felt anything like that. So connected to one person. More so than I ever thought.

This is also the place she found out who I really was.

But even in that, she still loved. Underneath it all.

_You're in my head._

_You're under my skin._

_You're everywhere but here._

_But here._

_It's a mystery how you can be._

_Everywhere but here._

I suppose it's only fitting I end my walk here in the mousliem.

So much here.

From pretending to vanquish me. And meeting her here.

This is the one place on earth where I felt like I belonged for ages, until her.

She made my dismal existence something alive again.

Wonder if anyone ever comes down here anymore? Not like anyone from my family is even alive. It all ends with me.

...Oh, footsteps...

Phoebe...

_Here's the diner where we'd meet. On your lunch break._

_Corner table, just you and me. On a Monday._

_In the rain we ran and ran. To your apartment._

_You called in sick to work again._

"_Cole...I don't know if you're here or not..."_

I wish I could scream to her I was. To shimmer back into her life again. But I can't.

"_I just needed to tell you. Thank you."_

Thank me for what? Probably still blames me for ruining her life. Again. But I suppose I still deserve that.

"_I talked to Piper. She told me what you had done. That she knew you made sure that Drake came into my life. So I could believe in love again. So I could feel it again. And that you were responsible for Leo finding her again, also something that renewed my faith in love._

_And that's something only someone that truly loved me could have done._

_No matter how many times I told you I hated you. How many time I screamed that we weren't meant to be...I was wrong._

_You were meant to be in my live. And I was meant to love you. Just as you were born to love me. And no matter what happeneds...I will always have a special place in my heart for you._

_I love you Cole. Forever."_

_You're everywhere but here._

Hearing those words from her lips. I wish I could feel anything. Because the world that comes to mind is...Thankful.

Glad maybe.

But what matters most is, she came here. To talk to me. Hoping somehow I would hear her. So I could know what she really feels.

And now, perhaps it's time to move on.

For good.


	12. Resolution Part 1

A/N: This part is a little AU...Just my weird twist on what could have been. But, it could prove why I'm not a writer for real. LOL!...Sometime after Drake has died.

_Cole POV

* * *

_

They summoned me. The fabulous powers that put me here in the first place. I know I should be terrified. But there is a benefit to not being able to feel anything.

Oh well. What the worst that could happened?

They finally send me to hell. At least there I could feel something.

Well, here goes.

"You rang?" You rang...what is that. Very smooth.

"We know of yet another of your involvements with the Charmed Ones."

"Oh. That." All of a sudden, I'm in front of my father after I'd broken one of his tools.

"Do you have ANY idea what you've done?"

"Well...I think..."

"Silence. You orchestrated the whole thing. Not only did you interfere despite all odds. You forced Leo to fall. Furthermore, Piper could have been lost forever. How where you so sure that he would hear her call to him?"

"Because. That's what being someone's soul-mate is all about. Your souls are always destined to find each other. And always will. After all, if I could hear Phoebe call my name from the wasteland...I knew that Piper used her last breath to call out into all space and time, that Leo would hear it."

"And what of Drake's involvement?"

"Well, I knew him before all this. And I was sure he and Phoebe would get along."

"You would introduce another man to, as you claim, the only woman you've ever loved...and nearly kill her only full blooded sister in the process...Why?"

"Here goes. Phoebe once told me that if it wasn't for Piper and Leo; two people who's love has survived and overcame all odds, she would believe love for her was even possible."

"Go on."

"And since being stuck here in limbo, I was forced to watch as Piper and Leo's love seemed to vanish from the world. And I saw the effect it was having on Phoebe. Especially without someone there to reassure her that it was all just a phase. That love was still a powerful force. But I knew she had stopped believing."

"And why did you think you had to reaffirm her faith?"

"Because I had already damaged so much of it. And I needed to know that even after all I had done...she could at least have love again. So, this is why I needed Drake in the first place.

When he was in her life, I saw her smile like she hadn't done in ages. Laugh like she used to. Like before when our love was still new. And once Piper and Leo were together again...I knew she would be fine.

Even though Drake's time was over. In saying good-bye to him, I saw her smile. That beautiful smile that warmed my heart. And I knew that she was okay, even without me."

"Cole. You were placed in limbo, unable to feel due to your interference in the lives of the Charmed Ones. You became a variable that we could not control."

"I would apologize, but I can't feel sorry. I can't feel anything."

"Now is not the time for your sarcasm. You to realize that your actions do have reprocussions."

"I guess limbo isn't good enough for all my past misdeeds huh? I take it I'm going somewhere else."

"You could say that."

_

* * *

Nothing but an empty page._

_Breathing in an open space._

_And captured by a moment's grace again.

* * *

_

See, knew it wouldn't be good for me. But hey, at least I tried to do something good for once.

"While we realize who you are and what you have done in the past. You did something to serve the greater good. Despite your tendencies."

Wait...did that just happened?

"And we have decided to reward you."

"By finally sending me to hell?"

"No. It's more like we would like you to do something for us."

"I don't understand exactly."

"We would like you to become a white-lighter."

Speaking of hell, I believe it just froze over, "I mean, who am I to question this...But I was a demon. I killed witches for fun and games."

"Which is why your knowledge is invaluable to us. You can finally do something positive for other witches with it. Just like you helped the Charmed Ones, even if only for a little while."

"But I won't be their white-lighter. Will I?"

"No. That would be a conflict of interest."

"Let's do this then...I'll be your newest white-lighter."

_

* * *

There's so much I left behind._

_Even more that waits in time._

_Everything's so undefined

* * *

_

Suddenly, I feel...almost alive. Warm all over. And I have power again.

"How do you feel Cole?"

"Wonderful. This is fantastic."

"Good...then you need..."

"Wait. I know I'm not in much of a position here, but I do just have one favor to ask. Let me say good-bye to Phoebe. The right way...Just so she can know that I'm okay. Then we both can let go at last."

"Make it as brief as possible. You have a charge to attend to."

"Thank you, very much...Oh, yeah...So, how do I find her?"

"You're a white-lighter Cole. Sense her."

"And the orbing thing...Just like shimmering?"

"Of course."

Alright then...Now, to find her. Listening, feeling for her from all over the world...There. I can feel her. Now all I have to do is go.

And hope she will be okay.

_

* * *

I'm standing on the edge of my fear._

_And I see it clear._

_Here's my resolution, I'm letting go._

_All I need to learn is on this road._

_And I'm just wanna be the best that I can be._

_Breathe._

_It's my resoultion.

* * *

evil laugh The rest to come later. I promise!_


	13. Resolution Part 2

_A/N: Well, here it is...The end of it. Hope it was fun for you...it was fun for me._

_Phoebe POV

* * *

_

At least I get a day off. After all that's gone on around here.

Even the demons seem to be staying away.

Seeing Piper and Leo together again. Happy. And have Paige and myself here. It's almost perfect.

"Honey, I'm home."

"Cole...Wait, did you just orb?"

"Course I did. Kind of strange isn't it?"

"But how?"

"See Phoebe. Long story...Let's just say that I have been given a new task in the afterlife."

"Even after all you've done."

"They seem to think that my experience will be invaluable to any new witch out there. "

Of course they would. The Elders seem to find new ways to mess with us. Even if it's not direct. You know, at least when I thought he was dead, I could move on. Become a free woman again. But seeing him standing here, I just feel connected again.

_

* * *

Living life without a plan._

_Finding solace where I stand._

_And learning how to love again.

* * *

_

Watching go to sit at the piano and play this beautiful melody.

"They wanted me to get to work right away. But I asked for this favor. I needed to tell you good-bye."

"Couldn't you just let me alone Cole? Couldn't you just go away and stop torturing me?"

"I'm sorry. I know this is upsetting but this way, you know you can have the closure you need. And after the Drake situation..."

"What do you know about him?"

How on earth could he possibly know anything about it.

"Well, I knew you felt love again. Even after all I had put you through...And you were happy. You could smile again."

"Where you watching me or something?"

"What beauty. She doth teacheth the torches to burn."

"I knew I heard something! How...why...I don't even what to think or feel about that. This. Us."

"As far as us. We go. Our time is through. And it was something more magical than any power any of us could ever wield. And as far as Drake goes, I arranged it. I needed to know that you would be okay without me."

I can't believe this. And yet, I can. Looking at him, I can see how much he still loves me. Cole would have given his life for me. And even now, I know that I would still do the same for him.

_

* * *

When I all want is something real._

_That I can feel

* * *

_

I sit down beside him at the piano and now I notice that the room as become empty. Leaving us to ourselves.

"So, you're a whitelighter now..."

"Twist of irony."

"Well, it suits you. You were always my angel. I think that's why you hurt me so bad. I could always see the good in you."

"I know. And I always hated to disappoint you. I thought that maybe telling you and myself that I was meant to be evil, that I could live with that. But I knew that wasn't the case. You saw in me the man I always was. I was destined to love you Phoebe."

"And we were destined to lose each other."

I lay my head on his shoulder and feel one tear slip down my cheek.

"The greatest love stories are usually the most tragic."

"Seems that way. Even Piper and Leo have that quality."

"You know, I...I was with Piper, while she wasn't dead. She was in limbo. That's where I was being kept. That's how I watched you."

"So, when she died..."

"I told her she had to let go. That because she and Leo were so connected that hearing her call out his name with her last breath would bring him back...I knew it would work for us."

"I see."

"And that's why I'm here. So we can both let go of what's left."

_

* * *

Here's my resolution I'm letting go._

_All I need to learning is along this road._

_And I just wanna be the best that I can be.

* * *

_

"I'm glad you came Cole. I'm glad you've given me this much."

I give him one last kiss. At it's the same as it's always been. It still takes my breath away. And I hope that I once again find something this real. This powerful.

"Anything for you Phoebe. Oh, and, one last thing. If there's ever something you need, I can stil hear your call. Elders be damned. We're always connected. If nothing else, that's what friends do for each other."

"Thank you. Hopefully..."

"You'll never have to call. I know. And I hope it's alright if I.."

"Look in from time to time...sure. Just don't disturb us."

"Sure."

His arms around me. The safest place I could have had. Still feels great. But I know this embrace has to end. So, I'll pull away.

"Well."

"Let's not say good bye sweetheart. Let's say, until we meet again."

"Until we meet again baby. You know...I..."

"I do. And me too. Always."

And just as soon as he was there, he's gone. Out there, but not in my life. And for the first time in months, I feel complete. Free and ready to start living again.

And all I had to do was let go. For good this time. And breathe again.

_

* * *

Cause here's my resolution, I'm letting go._

_All I need to learn is on this road._

_And I just wanna be the best that I can be._

_Breathe._

_It's my resolution._


End file.
